Age/Gender: 18, Male
Location: Wish I lived in Spain...
Job: Human Being
Me, CarChaseCityMan. Tenacious D fan, and local maniac. Comments, please.
Newgrounds Stats
Whistle Status: Bronze
Exp. Points: 740 / 900
Exp. Rank #: 50,740
Voting Pow.: 5.09 votes
BBS Posts: 1,558 (1.81 per day)
Flash Reviews: 18
Music Reviews: 1
Trophies: 0
Stickers: 0
--The Moon--
???: So, what do you think of the new base?
???: ...
???: Well?
???: *Coughs*
???: What, you don't like it?
???: *Gasps for air*
???: Well, come on, you don't have to be like that...
???: Nee... Nee...Ox...Oxygen...
???: You're hurting my feelings.
???: *Dies*
???: Well, just leave, if you hate it so much!
???: *Rots*
--Harlem, New Jersey--
Tom: Ok, so where do we star- Hey, he stole me wallet!
Price: Well, we should star- Hey, my car!
Tom: I'm not so sure about thi- Hey, my vocal cords!
Price: ...
Tom: As a scientologist, I get two- Gurgle!
Price: Okay, that's i- Hey, he stole Jupiter!
Tom: Flugrhi nurmf turghle jee!
Price: I completely agree.
Next time, on the Adventures of Thomas Cruise...
More Drama!
-----------------
Tom: Well, it's YOUR baby, Price!
Price: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
------------------
More ACTION!
-------------------
*Holds up TNT*
Tom: What's this?
Price: Why bother...
--------------------
MOAR SOAP!
-----------------
Indiana Soap: Two pair.
Tom: Well, I have a kitten.
-------------------
DON'T MISS THE NEXT EXCITING ADVENTURE OF THAT CRAZY SCIENTOLOGIST, RIGHT HERE ON SCENIC MY USERPAGE!
The Adventures of Thomas Cruise
The Retold Story
-n a remote facility in Western Utah-
???: Are you sure the plan will work?
???: No. Not in the slightest. But I know this: Our target will not survive.
???: Who is this 'target?'"
???: A scientologist named Thomas Cruise.
Computerized Voice: Mr. Blank, blank blank blank Thomas Cruise blank.
???: What did it say?
???: Since noone can find my identity, I foolproofified my computer, giving absolutely NO leads as to who I am.
???: It's kind of inconvienient, though.
???: How?
???: Well, the information you need is all blocked, and since you don't want any information leaked, why don't you just scrap the computer all together if there's no files or data?
???: I use it for something very important.
???: Like what?
???: I play Bejeweled. A fantasy RPG with dragons and wizards and nude women.
???: Bejeweled is a Pop Cap game, not an RPG.
???: How do YOU know?
???: I... Play it as well.
???: Maybe we could be E-buddies! My name is Blank@Blank.net.
???: Wait, you have an email adress?
???: Yes, why?
???: You have to give all of your personal information to have one of those.
???: OH SHIT!
*Meanwhile...*
Thomas: Phew! Scientology book signings for the visually impaired sure tire a guy out!
Reporter: Excuse me, Mr. Cruise?
Tom: Yes?
Rep.: I have a message for you.
Tom: Is it a magical message?
Rep.: ...
Tom: ...
Rep.: No.
Tom: Aww.
Rep.: It's a message from Paris Hilton.
Tom: Paris Hilton? What is it, an adress and a condom?
Rep.: Read it yourself.
Tom: Hmmm...
*Takes message and opens it*
*Pulls out contents*
*Giggles at pitcure of cerebrally palsied Panda bear*
*Looks shocked as he pulls the gun out*
Tom: A gun! Bang! Heheh.
Rep.: Actually, give me that.
Tom: Sure, here.
*BANG*
Tom: Holy crap, he shot himself!
Tom: ...
*Looks left*
*Looks right*
*Goes through the Reporter's pockets*
Tom: Hey, a letter!
Dear Sexy Wexy:
I really liked that langerie you wore yesterday. You really are a freaky beast, you.
Tom: My massive erection is giving me a headache.
*Ringing*
Tom: Hello, Cheif?
Cheif: We are a secret orginization dedicated to defending the innocent and-
Tom: You don't have to recite our mission statement every time we talk, Cheif.
Cheif: You didn't even let me finish.
Tom: There's a reason.
Cheif: Well, I'd like to hear it.
Tom: ...You're starting to sound like an angry girlfriend here, Cheif.
Cheif: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!!
*Silence*
Tom: So what's the mission?
Cheif: There's an oil tanker in the Mid-Pacific that needs to be investigated, and I'm sending you and our second best operative in with you.
Tom: Fine. When do I ship off?
Cheif: Now.
*FWOOOSH*
-Somewhere in Tijuana, Mexico-
Tom: That automatic ejector button really pisses me off sometimes....
Stranger: *Muffle muffle muffle*
Tom: Excuse me, put down that conspicuous newspaper, I can't hear you well.
Stranger: Fine. Are you Thomas Cruise?
Tom: Do I LOOK like a scientologist?
Stranger: What do scientologists look like?
Tom: Smug atheists.
Stranger: So you're suddenly Bill Gates?
Tom: No! I'm Thomas Cruise!
Stranger: So you're a total meatgazer.
Thomas: Hey!
Stranger: Well, I'm your partner for the mission.
Tom: Ah, you're facial hair proceeds you... Captain Price.
Price: Ignore the retarded plotholes, I am God.
*Chapter 1 End*
Comments!
Updated: 07/14/08 7:26 PM 3 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!I'm sure everyone misses my wonderfully witty and retarded posts from the BBS but the truth is, I've forgotten about the BBS for a while.
I know, I know, you're probably asking yourself,
HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO US!?!??!?!
Well, the answer is simple.
I AM AN IDIOT.
But, not to fear, as I will be rejoining the BBS as of today. Don't worry, you'll see plenty of me around again, and you'll probably say,
Aw, FUCK!
And if you do, I'll say,
Want a hug?
And then you'll say,
NO YOU'RE PROBLY FAT AND UGLY
And I'll say,
YOU'RE ADOPTED
Then you'll say,
WAH.
And I will laugh.
2 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!The proper toilet plunging technique is simple. I take it in 3 easy steps. But first, let's begin with the scenario.
You're in your home watching a movie with your girl/boyfriend and you feel the irresistable urge to move your enormous bowels. Your mate is aware of this and tells you to go to the bathroom, but to hurry up. She/he is VERY horny. Secks is imminant. BUT, you're bowels MUST be moved quickly.
Your situation is dire. Butthole screaming, stomach churning, you run to the bathroom and ease your pain. You get up, flush, and walk out.
Fruuuuuuuushhhhhhh karrgharggeyafkdnfhagydgahsdr.
Shit. The toilet is backed up. WITH YOUR SHIT. What to do? You've already wiped and tossed the paper in. Your mate is already losing her friskiness.... You grab the plunger and jump to the toilet, plunging frantically. Nothing works. What to do? No need to worry. Proper plunging technique is simple.
1. Remember to plunge constantly. Hesitation won't make the turds go down. Plung Plunge Plunge in quick succession.
2. Cramming your BM and toilet paper into the hole harder and harder won't help, so swerve the utensil around objects inside and when the space between the plunger and the hole is clear, go in and follow step 1.
3. Flush ONCE. That will raise the water level slightly and follow steps 1 and 2. Don't flush more, or the water will go to high and fly out of the bowl.
Now that the toilet is clear, Lysol away and wisk your mate to a wonderful orgasm only to find out that the condom is ripped wide open. SUCKS FOR YOU!!!
Updated: 12/10/07 4:18 PM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!Check that shit out, dudes, mah brown whistle has arrived. I didn't think I'd ever get it. But... Was it really that recentely that I got this...?
Anyway, this reminds me of my first day here, when I was level 1, full of hopes and dreams of fame and recognition on Newgrounds... All to have it blow up in my ball sack when I figured out that everyone hated 07's solely based on sign-up date.
But, I like to think I'm not hated too much, but I HAVE made some enemies. But, I've made good friends, some 07's, and some just 05's and stuff who make friends with everyone because they're nice and that's it. But some I needed to really shape myself to get as well, so I think that not all of my friends here were just nice to the new guy.
1 comment | Log in to comment! | Share this!
Look up, please. Like what you see? I do. That magnificent banner was made by none other than the oh-so-talented Elriel at Court-Records.net.
If you'd like to ask for a Phoenix Wright related banner, you can talk to him here.
Just make an account and request in that thread.
IN OTHER NEWS RELATED TO MR. CCCM,
My friend came from Canada a few days ago and I'm trying to get him over my house so we can hang out and what not, but he's staying over my other friend's house, so it's pretty complicated to get him over. But it's not like you guys can help me. It IS nice to have a good chunk of stuff to put in my blog, you know, just to make it a bit more interesting, but that's for people who care, isn't it?
EDIT: I also wanted to use this as my new blog avatar, but it has a transparent background and I don't know how to fix that...
In today's news, local NG user, CarChaseCityMan, is getting a new banner for his userpage. When asked to comment on the matter, he replied like so.
"Why are we reporting this? It's just a banner. And Car Chase City doesn't exist. How did you get into my house, for that matter!?"
In other news, Car Chase City was bombed today. Local CCC police tried to chase the culprit, but he escaped us. Later that day, to much embarrasement from CCC's finest, Stay Put City caught the culprit just 2 days later.
Also, CCC News mourns the death of Newgrounds user JohnyUtah, famous creator of the TANKMEN series. He was found in his home at 11:25 AM in his bathtub. Strangely, his penis was erect since his death occured, say forensic experts. Autopsy shows he was masturbating himself to death. A strange suicide, says family members. His brother, AlfredUtah, had this to say.
"I can't believe it! He died wanking! AWESOME!!!"
After that, he ran out of the room and attempted the very same type of suicide. Luckily, he was stopped and put into therapy. Mr. Utah's family will hold a funeral service at 12:61 PM. That means never. HA!
*Ahem* As for Newgrounds news, emoticons have started a riot today, most likely led by Angry smiley, Mad as Hell smiley, and Crying smiley has also been suspected of activity in this movement. Resigned smiley had this to say.
"(Sigh) I think it's all just stupid... There isn't a point to it... I hate how it all ends up like this, but I really don't care. Really."
Well, that's all for Car Chase City News at 10, thank you for visiting this userpage. See you next time.
CAR CHASE CITY NEWS AT 10!!!
PS: This is a rough outline of my banner hopes. Credit to Elriel on Court-Records.net in advance.'
Oh no... I got my banner idea, but I can't use it... I'll have to wait until I can use it to display it... Ugh....
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
My best buddy, Mikey, is coming from Canadia tomorrow and we're gonna rock the world with our rockin' rock even though we do not rock at all. WHAT!? We rock. Period. Period Period? Better.
I decided that me and my bro DO rock and I will teach him the ancient ways or I am a failure as a rocker. And by God, if you so called "rockers" don't do the same for those of which are oblivious to good music and are corrupted by the evils of rap, country, and all of that, then I will personaly call Slash, Jimmy Hendrix (From the dead, yes) and every Rock God to come and kill your fathers and rape your mothers.
PS: If Rock Gods have already killed and raped your parents, they will be excused from the killing/raping of your mothers/fathers.
ALSO, Sprite of The Day, (Or newspost...)
Manfred Von Karma ROCKING IT OUT.
I'm on the prowl for some shit to put on my userpage to make it look nicer. If you know my style now, then I'm sure you guys can find me some cool stuff to use for my page, sig, whatever I can use pictures and stuff for.
Take the .gif at the bottom for example. Whoosh...
What a pimp. Anyway, if you guys would be so kind as to find me some cool stuff to use, I would be very happy and give you sucky sucky five dolla. Tasty, eh?
I guess that's it... If you know where stuff like that would be, then gimme a link in one of the many, many comments you'll put on my userpage. Because you'll put alot here, I know it... Or else...
I also got a new picture for my page. I used a famous phrase from Phoenix Wright: Justice For All. The real one was supposed to be, "You're lying, Dammit! And I can prove it!". I like how I Newgroundsified it. New word: Newgroundsified.
Whooosh..............
